On Cities Other Than NYC

by Modern Miss Manners

If you can survive this soul-sucking hellhole – and even possibly enjoy yourself here – you are officially anointed as god’s gift to any other city you might visit. You become some exotic bird everyone wants to ogle. And pet. You’re automatically vibing in a more sophisticated, callous, attractive way. You are a ten in Boston. Three and a half hours north, you’ll be beating ‘em off with sticks. It’s an amazing thing, and it will make you seriously consider moving to a place like Boston. Do not listen to that egotistical little voice in your head. You will immediately regret it. She’s a full-on bitch, but New York has your heart forever now.

Basically, you’re fucked.