Modern Miss Manners

Emily Post for the dazed + confused NYC twentysomething

Month: August, 2012

Why No One Wants To French You

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Real talk: it’s summertime. Stands to reason that it must be fucking awful inside your warm, wet, taco and iced coffee-gobbling kisser.

You suffer through everyone else’s weird smells on the daily. Assume your mouth is filthy by like 10am, and that it’s horrifying to be near you… then chew some fucking gum, or become a hermit who forsakes the shallow judgement of other humans… because who wants to make out with anyone, ever, anyway?

The First Rule of Being a Human

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Don’t be a dick.

Seriously.

Someone is probably thinking about that god-awful thing you did to them (at work / at a party / by remorselessly crushing their heart) right fucking now. You know what I’m talking about. Cross your fingers that they’re not plotting a twisted revenge fantasy so you’ll one day feel some small bit of their personal anguish. Your days could be numbered.

Hold the door. Hold your tongue. Hold your shitty opinions on how your friend is living his or her life.

So be it, or whatever.