The Wingwoman

by Modern Miss Manners

This is the conversation that most women have with each other at bars, using only their eyes and the witchy woman bond that all chicks naturally feel: “I love and support you in everything you do, but I will drop you like a bad habit if I catch that tall dude in the sweater’s eye.”

Everybody has to be cool with this situation. It’s the most obvious tenant of (wing)womanhood. And yet – the number of basic bitches out there who are thrown into a tizzy the second they’re left alone at the bar is astonishing. Most often, those complaining were just hours earlier loudly exclaiming to a room full of people how amazing they are as wingwomen. Do not trust these ladies. They are terrified of being by themselves, even for a second.

For that matter: never trust anyone who can’t be alone. That’s not even a fully-formed person – just a bundle of weird insecurities and a strong desire to follow you to the bathroom in any social situation.