Election Day Protocol

by Modern Miss Manners

Pt I: Vote. You’re an adult now. Plus: you can wear a cool sticker and a smug sense of satisfaction for the entire goddamn day!

Pt II: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT ASK EVERYONE YOU SEE TODAY WHO THEY’RE VOTING FOR. THEY PROBABLY DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT. And if they do, you’ll VERY likely regret having started this oddly charged conversation on election day. Even if you find yourself in agreement, feelings are runnin’ high. You’ll be AGGRESSIVELY AGREEING with each other. Gonna end badly no matter what, feeling as though you’ve accidentally made out in public and neither of you know what to do about it. Walk it off, tiger. Stop being such a busybody.

Pt III: Dress to impress at the polls today. Tonight’s the night to seek comfort (or sexy high fives) in the arms of a fellow voter. Reach across the party lines, or whatever? There’s something undeniably sexual about election night.

To the polls! Then: to the bars!