The First Rule of Being a Human

by Modern Miss Manners

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Don’t be a dick.

Seriously.

Someone is probably thinking about that god-awful thing you did to them (at work / at a party / by remorselessly crushing their heart) right fucking now. You know what I’m talking about. Cross your fingers that they’re not plotting a twisted revenge fantasy so you’ll one day feel some small bit of their personal anguish. Your days could be numbered.

Hold the door. Hold your tongue. Hold your shitty opinions on how your friend is living his or her life.

So be it, or whatever.

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