Running into an Ex

by Modern Miss Manners

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I’ve spent countless hours coming up with what the French call “l’esprit de l’escalier,” or “staircase wit.” You know, you’re in the shower or the elevator and you think of some fucking incredible zinger for someone who stomped on your heart… five days after the fact. This is something to keep in mind when you run in to said someone on the street three months later with a new paramour: do not say that pent-up staircase wit out loud. Smile, ask how they are, say you’re doing FUCKING INCREDIBLE in the most casual way possible, and walk the hell away. Fast. Keep moving. Do not look back. Good work, you’ve made it out alive, and you’re looking classy as all get-out.

If you call them that night at 2am, drunk on two bottles of wine you downed alone in your studio apartment, garbling that witty comeback then begging them to love you again, you’ve taken approximately five million steps backward. Keep that in mind. Stick to one bottle of wine tonight, killer. 

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