Protocol: Walking in NYC

by Modern Miss Manners

Be faster, and make sharper turns. You’re a race car, but without all the “vroom vroom” noises I know you so desperately want to make.

Don’t make any abrupt stops – not even to snap a cell phone pic of that rad Occupy poster or whatever. Nobody on your Instagram feed cares.

No texting. NO. TEXTING.

Do not walk three abreast with your best galpals. We’re not in a scene from “Crossroads.”

Always assume there’s somebody with someplace to be directly behind you, and they’re this close to kicking the backs of your knees, because they’ve had a bad day and now you’re in their fucking way.

Bottom line: EYES UP. And get it together. You’re a mess.