Cheap-Ass Gifting

by Modern Miss Manners

Lemme get you in on some advice, re: gifting. Gifts are the best. They are always appropriate. “Gift” does not equal “mad dollars lost.” Don’t be a stingy asshole: make people feel special. It is the best. Gifts are not reserved for best friends’ birthdays and Mother’s Day. They are for friends who make you dinner, friends who just did something kickass and deserve a bit of acknowledgement – even for no reason at all. Not to wax poetic about feelings and shit, but part of being a successful adult is, in my opinion, about letting other people have their moments. Celebrating is fucking fun.

Here are some ideas, straight from the pros (it’s me, I’m the pro):

– Poppers (esp the cheapass kind that explode with what smells like gunfire and confetti)

– Bottom shelf booze / $5 bottles of wine / a six-pack (never fails)

– Confectionary items: find the cheapest and best cupcakes in your hood, local specialties (usually cheap – like Italian cookies from Venieros in the EVill), macarons, etc etc etc

– A card (FUCKING WRITE YOUR FEELINGS DOWN, SOMEONE’S BOUND TO CRY)

– Friendship bracelets (even better if you make ’em, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves) – tons of options for inexpensive purchases around Chinatown and other touristy spots – buy a truckload, hand ’em out on fun occasions, people love that BFF shit

– Grab bag of a buddy’s fav things: candy, booze, Playboy, whatevs is cheap and purchasable at Duane Rade

– A mix CD (forever my favorite gift when made with care or lust or whatever)

– Cheap bodega carnations in a fake color / fake flowers in a (clean!) beer bottle

– If it’s someone’s birthday, buy them a fucking drink, jesus god people, try not to be the worst humans ON THE DATE OF SOMEONE’S BIRTH, AT THEIR PARTY

That’s pretty much it. Be better at life.

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