Avoiding a Backslide

by Modern Miss Manners

If you’re in danger of a backslide* and headed out for a night on the town, here’s a handy list to keep in your purse (maybe get it laminated in a handy business card size… or have it tattooed on your forehead, whatever works):

My name is:

I live here:

My emergency contact if I’m blackout drunk and screaming incoherently (or for any reason at all, really):

This is a list of people I’m not allowed to text or call:
1. — (ESP this one, he is the most recent heartbreak/likeliest backslide #SOS)

2. —

3. —

If you’re reading this, it’s probably best to send me home in a yellow cab IMMEDIATELY, hopefully with a reliable enough friend. NOT A DUDE I DON’T KNOW. PLEASE. NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT.

Thank you for your time. You’re an angel of mercy.

Love,

A Completely Trashed Version of Myself

*Backslide, UrbanDictionary definition: [verb] to have sex with someone you were previously dating or hooking up with, specifically after a falling out or bad breakup (tends to make things more complicated)

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