Splitting a Check is Just Like Sharing Your Drugs

by Modern Miss Manners

Same rules apply, y’all! Don’t be stingy. Losing a few dollars while splitting the check (over what? Tacos? It’s not like you can afford to eat anywhere fancy, calm the hell down) is the price you pay for enjoying a meal with your friends. Deal accordingly, or don’t eat out. No one wants to avoid eye contact while passive aggressively agreeing to your argument that you owe $3 less because you “didn’t eat the appetizer.” What kind of monster are you?

By the way, if you’re that breed of douche, I also have no interest in sharing drugs with you… not that you’d be offering.